Happy Saturday loooovers

Happy Valentine's day (a little late, I grant you) I hope you all had a lovely day, I know these two Idiots did. Mr. Idiot even brought champagne so we could have mimosas. But, this is not where I rub your faces in how much breakfast food I ate yesterday. (It was a LOT by the way) But, I am here to talk about this awesome baked eggplant I made last night. (Don't panic guys, Valentine's day steak dinner photos are coming soon, but I am full of leftover steak and wine, so be happy I'm posting at all.)

Anyway, one of the things I realized was missing in my new paleo delicious lifestyle was some hearty Italian food. There's plenty of awesome recipes for Asian food and burgers and all kinds, but I think Italian is hard to fake because of all that cheese and pasta and...okay, I'm drooling.
But! If you've got a hankering like I did for hearty, meaty yummy Italian goodness, this is stuff for you. And it's pretty easy. And I got to use a new vegetable so score on the experience chart for me!

Anyway, I used ground turkey in this because we didn't have any other ground beef, but you can use beef too.

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

You have to slice the eggplant up and "weep" it, which is something I had never heard of until the other night. Slice it, put it in a colander and salt it. Leave it for 20 minutes and it'll leak liquid. (Put a bowl under the colander fyi)

Squish it down a little after the 20 minutes to get any leftover liquid out.

Brush the slices of eggplant with olive oil on both sides and put the eggplant in the oven for 25 minutes.

The time it takes to get the eggplant done is different depending on your oven, so make sure it's crispy on the edges.

Turn the oven down to 350 and heat a pan over medium high heat. I diced up a couple of tomatoes and added a cup of tomato juice.

Let the meat cook through, the turkey only took about ten minutes.

You can layer this however you like, I know eggplant parm isn't usually layered like lasagna, but I only have a little oven dish, so I layered it.

Once the oven is down to 350, put the eggplant in for another fifteen minutes.

I sprinkled parmesan on top (SUE ME GUYS) because it's delicious and we had a little bit still leftover.

Plate, and ta-da! Awesome, filling, Italian amazingness. So satisfying.

More baking!

So, I know, paleo sweets are only supposed to be eaten in moderation. But...they're so good. And baking makes me happy when I'm angry. And the on-base supermarket on payday is hell on earth.
So I came home after four hours of dodging children darting in front of my cart and trying not to slam my cart into the backs of peoples legs and I saw two pears that really needed to get eaten.
So I answered the call of my oven and I baked.
Pear bread:
So, I couldn't find any paleo recipes and I had to modify, but things turned out wonderfully.

You'll need:
2 (very) rip pears, peeled and chopped.
1/3 cup maple syrup
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp ground cloves
1/3 cup coconut oil
2 eggs
2/3 cup almond flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

Toss the pears with the maple syrup, ginger and cloves in a bowl to let the flavor sink in a little.

In another bowl, combine the dry ingredients.

Add everything else to the bowl with the pears, and then add the dry ingredients. I used a food processor to blend everything nice and smooth, but if you use a fork to break up the pears you should be able to whisk everything else together.

Pour everything into a pan and put it in the oven for about 50 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean when you prick the center.

I sliced up a banana and put it on the top (and it didn't sink!) Mr Idiot didn't like the texture of the banana on top which was totally fine with me, because I got all of it.

This was so good, and I ate it for breakfast, and as a snack and it was great with apple butter on it or butter and toasted.
Yum.
Make it, your friends will love it. (Or, if you're lucky, they'll all hate it and you'll get it all.)

Paleo baking SUCCESS

I cannot tell you guys how pleased I am. I've been messing with paleo bread and paleo pancakes and they just have not been working out, but I have finally had success with paleo baking. 

Paleo banana bread. I made it this morning, I ate it for breakfast, I'll be eating it tomorrow, it's delicious and it WORKED! It didn't turn into a gooey mess or taste like bland flour. Huzzah!

So, here's the recipe. This lovely, lovely bread goes great with tea (That's what I had for breakfast, nom) or coffee or as a snack mid-afternoon. So lovely, so easy. 

Paleo banana bread

6 eggs 

1/3 cup coconut milk (I used almond hazelnut cashew milk I found on sale)

1/3 cup honey

1/2 tbsp apple butter

2 tsp vanilla extract 

1/4 cup coconut oil

3/4 cup coconut flour

1/2 cup almond flour

2 1/2 tsp cinnamon

2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

3 ripe bananas mashed

Add everything into a mixing bowl and combine. 

Whisk if you don't have a hand mixer, and hand mix if you do. (Thanks, again mum. My life is so easy now)

Pour into a non-stick pan (Pro-tip, spray pan with oil to ease removal) and put into a 350 degree oven for an hour. 

Check that your bread is done by sticking a toothpick into the center. If the pick comes back clean, you're good. If it's gooey, put it back in.

Once it's baked, go ahead and eat!

Paleo snacks: back with a vengeance

Like I've said before, snacking while on the paleo diet can be a bit of a challenge. Paleo kind of requires that you prepare stuff, and the last thing I want to do when I want munchies is spend an hour cooking something. But, it also forces you to get creative with your snacks, and I like creativity.

This is a double duty recipe, which I love. This will do nicely for snack food or breakfast food. It's a different take on eggs and bacon, that's portable and really really fast.
These were a hit in the Idiot's house. I made a dozen when Mr. Idiot got a long lunch and came home, and about half an hour after he left I got a "DIBS ON THE REST OF THE MUFFINS" text. These are delicious hot out of the oven, cool from the counter or cold out of the fridge, and they are worth fighting over.

Eggs and bacon "muffins"
To make eight muffins:

4 eggs
8 strips of bacon
3 tbsp coconut flour (for reasons discussed last post, I'm still using regular flour because money)
2 tbsp bacon grease (or fat of your choice)
As much cheese as you feel is necessary

I think Mr. Idiot and I have come to the conclusion that our particular paleo does indeed include dairy. I can't abide fake cheese, and being totally honest with you, dear readers, almond milk is just not the same as a nice glass of icy cold cow juice. And cheese. This Idiot loves her cheese. We're working out our guidelines as we go along, but dairy has made the cut. You don't have to use cheese in these little mini muffins, so follow your heart.

To make a bigger batch of these you can just double everything, but keep in mind, one egg makes two muffins, the amount of bacon in this is completely arbitrary. There is never a need to cut down on bacon, so put in as much as you want. The flour is mostly for consistency, so if you follow the ration of 4 eggs to 3 tbsp, you should do okay. Ditto on the bacon grease.

Anyway, down to business.
Preheat the oven to 375 degrees, crack your eggs in a bowl and whisk in the flour.

Word to the wise, I googled a few of these paleo muffin recipes before cobbling this one together, and I did NOT read all the way through before I started cooking. If you don't have a food processor (like us) Do Not cook your bacon and try to cut it into bits. You will fling bacon all over your kitchen. Slice into strips prior to frying. Pro tip. Because I love you.

Once the bacon bits are lovely and crispy, add those to your egg "batter", and add the bacon grease as needed. If you're adding it straight from the pan it will cook the eggs a little as you add it, so keep the "batter" moving as you add the grease.

Add cheese (and any other ingredients you fancy. I think next time I'll be adding sliced peppers...endless possibilities)

Pour your mixture into muffin tins that you've sprayed with oil or lined with muffin cups and stick that baby in the oven for fifteen minutes, or until the tops are springy to the touch. Resist the temptation to fill the cups up all the way, these muffins rise a lot. Keep it at about 3/4 full.

Take out and enjoy!

Candy bacon baby

This was all Mr. Idiots idea. I take no credit, only the responsibility of writing this up.
Mr Idiot is a big fan of Epic Meal Time, as am I, though one too many videos and I get a bit of a funny tummy.
Like Harley says in the video, you've seen it in your fucking dreams, here is how to do candy bacon.

It's beautiful, isn't it...

Take two parts brown sugar and one part cinnamon and mix then together in a bowl.

.

Get your bacon (Mr. Idiot and I used a whole pack, so follow your heart. Ignore what your arteries say) and lay it in a tin-foil-covered baking tray. 

Heat your oven up to 385 fahrenheit and sprinkle the cinnamon sugar mix over the bacon. Make sure there's about an inch between each strip, or your cinnamon sugar will bubble into a giant slab. I mean, if that's what your after, please share the results. Otherwise, for ease of snacking purposes, leave a little room. 

Put the bacon in the oven for about ten minutes. 

Once your ten minutes is up, take the bacon out, drain the grease, flip over the bacon and re-sprinkle

Here you see Mr. Idiot demonstrating the correct technique. 

Mr. Idiot's beloved EMT guys say to put the bacon back in for another ten, but our first batch burned when we did that, so put it in for five and see how it's looking. Add time as you need it. 

Once the other side is cooked, put the bacon on a plate (cover the plate in tin foil so the bacony goodness doesn't stick) and put it in the fridge for a few minutes.

Mr Idiot and I used this cooling time to spike a bottle of eggnog. Use your time wisely. 

Take out of the fridge, and enjoy. 

Pumpkin muffins

So, here we are, first post! I love the smell of a new blog in the morning. 

I have to be honest with you guys, this is not the first thing I made in the house...I know, I'm sorry. But I didn't take any pictures of the broccoli cheese baked spectacular so you'll have to wait until I make it again to hear about it. I might post the recipe later, we'll see. For now, here is my (actual) first baking project in the new casa. Enjoy.

Pumpkin Muffins

Tis the season for all things pumpkin (my favorite season) and it is only appropriate to fill up the kitchen with the most seasonal smells possible. I found this pumpkin muffin recipe online (http://allrecipes.com/recipe/cream-cheese-filled-pumpkin-muffins/detail.aspx ) and followed it almost to the letter. Mine have a bit more cinnamon, and I didn't buy pumpkin pie seasoning, because that seemed like a waste of money. Don't you go out and buy it either, because to make these muffins, you will have all the spices you need already to make your own pumpkin pie spice. I also crumbled some of the dark brown sugar on top to give them a nice crispy top.

Ingredients

I've added to the original recipe the extra spices you'll need to make pumpkin pie seasoning. Click the  recipe link to get the original amounts.

1 ½ cups of flour

½ teaspoon baking soda

1 ½ teaspoon cinnamon (I just eyeballed it here. I probably added an extra ½ tsp)

¾ teaspoon nutmeg

¼ teaspoon allspice + an extra pinch for the PP seasoning

¼ teaspoon ground cloves + an extra pinch for the PP seasoning

¼ teaspoon cardamom

¾ teaspoon ginger

½ teaspoon salt

1 cup dark brown sugar

2 eggs

½ cup vegetable oil

15 oz (one can) cooked pumpkin

cream cheese

Preheat an oven to 350 degrees F (175 degrees C). Grease 12 muffin cups or line with paper muffin liners.

• Stir the flour, cinnamon, nutmeg, allspice, cloves, pumpkin pie spice, cardamom, ginger, salt, and baking soda together in a bowl.

• Beat the brown sugar and the eggs together with an electric mixer in a large bowl until smooth. Add all the vegetable oil and the pumpkin; continue beating until integrated. Pour the flour mixture into the egg mixture and beat until just incorporated.

• Fill the prepared muffin cups about half-full with the batter. Spoon about 1 teaspoon cream cheese into the center of each muffin cup and poke it down into the middle of the batter with a finger.

4. Bake in the preheated oven until golden and the tops spring back when lightly pressed, about 25 minutes. Let cool in pan 5 minutes and remove to a rack to cool completely. Be extra careful; the cream cheese stays hot for a while

So, post muffins. I followed this recipe exactly, but before you run off and try it, let me make a few adjustments. Definitely sweeten the cream cheese. I don't think it has to be full blown cream cheese frosting, but just plain cream cheese by itself is too bland. I think I'm going to put vanilla in the next batch (though, I've got a habit of putting vanilla in everything) and maybe use butter instead of vegetable oil.  The muffins themselves were pretty good but they were...lacking something. The weren't as good as my mothers and that's pretty much my standard for everything. So, we'll try these babies again another time. I'll let you know how it goes. 

Though I can't seem to get them to stop sticking to the bottom of the paper muffin cup....

P.S. If you have any tips or suggestions please feel free to post them in the comments. I'm a lowly beginner here, so any secrets are appreciated. 

Happy cooking!