Idiot-Proof Paleo Shopping breakdown

So, here we are again dear readers with a grocery list!
This is significantly shorter than last week's, because this is my regular list, not my stock up/get started list. This is what my cart looks like most weeks. This feeds two people for just over two weeks, though I'm normally busting out the frozen veg by the very end of the fortnight.

As promised, look for a breakdown of the list and where the food actually goes below. Again, feel free to share, print an use this list for yourself!

We keep all our meet in the freezer and just defrost as needed, so every two or three shopping trips I'll need to replete my stock, but for the most part, I just replace whichever animal product is lowest. This week it was chicken breast. We only had about three left, so I bought two more packages. But I've still got tons of pork chops, ground pork, beef for stew and steak cuts that I picked up on sale, so none of those need replacing. I've only had to totally replenish the freezer maybe twice, but it's really easy to stay on top of it if you just take stock of what's stocked up before you go shopping. And I try and use things according to how old they are. We date all the food that goes in the freezer, so the newest chicken breasts will get saved for last and I'll use pork and beef mostly for the week. This means I only really ever have to restock one (maaaybe two) kinds of meat on a particular shopping trip, which saves a TON of money. 

Okay, let's get to the break down. 

Easy-peasy dinners.

Generally, I love cooking. I love experimenting with new recipes and new foods. Sometimes though, I miss the ease of chicken nuggets and frozen dinners. There are some days I can barely be bothered to eat anything, let alone cook something complicated. On those days, it's very helpful to have a few staples on standby so I can throw some stuff together in less than an hour and not have to stress. 

• Cauliflower can be used as a substitute for my pre-paleo fall backs, rice and mashed potatoes. The only real difference between cauliflower 'rice' and cauliflower 'potatoes' is the degree to which you mush them in the food processor. That seems pretty self explanatory. I also admit to putting a couple pats of butter in my mash and a sprinkling of chives. Makes it feel more authentic. Mash or rice, one other veggie (asparagus, carrots, squash, zucchini, whatever you've got around) and a meat and you have your meal. I love this because it's really hard to screw it up and I don't have to think about it. So, keep cauliflower handy. You can also use the cauliflower rice to make garbage stir fry which can be a lifesaver. Throw your 'rice in with some soy sauce, some sliced meat (pork and chicken work well) as well as some frozen vegetables and serve. 
• Carrots are my best friend if I want to stretch a meal out a little, any meal. Want to make your brekkie scramble last an extra day? Dice up four or five carrots and it'll eke things about. Carrots are great for snacking, I mash them up with sweet potatoes and parsnips to make a mash, I fry them with onions and pork chops, I julienne them into salads. They add color to your meal and they last forever. I usually buy a five pound bag once a month. 
• Sweet potatoes do the same work as carrots, they help stretch everything out, and they are really filling. I love them because I can make fries or sweet potato crisps with them, which is a better cure for my constant snacking than popcorn or potato chips. I adore them with my breakfast, sliced up with some sausage and egg and peppers. So good. 
• Leafy stuff is also a savior of mine. Whether it's lettuce, cabbage, spinach, collard greens, turnip greens, bok choy, whatever your fancy it's essential to keep this stuff handy. If I don't feel like cooking, I can roughly chop some lettuce and spinach, boil and shred some chicken, slice some carrots and throw a basic dressing together. You can find my personal favorite salad here, from Nom Nom Paleo. That particular salad takes me literally 20 minutes from prep to table. 

Everything else on that list--eggplant, asparagus, mushrooms--get used in addition to the four essentials above. I am partial to cauliflower mash, asparagus and pork chops. Or sauteed mushrooms, steak and sweet potato fries. On the nights when I look forward to getting in the kitchen, having a good selection of veggies to choose from makes coming up with dinner a whole lot easier. I am partial to eggplant parm when I'm feeling like spending a while in the kitchen, or coconut-breaded fish or chicken with some fried spinach.

Food for snacks

One of the biggest challenges when you go paleo is finding food you don't have to cook. Sometimes you just want something crunchy or sweet and you want it now. I am partial to Nut Thins. They're gluten free crackers. I don't think they're technically paleo, but they're damn close and I love crackers and ham too much to care. But what about sugar cravings? I usually keep a little stash of dark chocolate somewhere, and I'll slice up an apple, grab the almond butter and make 'smores'. I mean, they're not really smores, but it hits the spot. There's also nothing wrong with giving yourself a night off and having a Twix or something. Letting yourself go once in a while is key to actually staying on the diet.  I'm also partial to cauliflower popcorn, you can get the recipe here.

To be honest, when I was getting started on paleo, and this is true of anyone who's starting to learn how to cook, recipe lists were my saving grace. NomNomPaleo and Paleomg both have AWESOME recipe lists that are broken down by meat and veg, and for the first little while I relied on them completely. Learning how to throw together a meal is a skill. You're not going to start teaching yourself to cook by never look at recipes. So, get to know your food a little, what your skills and are what kinds of flavors you like together. Once you do that, you can start to write your own recipes. 

How paleo is enough paleo? Idiot-Proof Paleo pt 1

Hello all, and welcome to the part one of the Idiot-Proof Paleo Plan!
So, I'm going to post on the Facebook page to find out what kinds of questions you guys have, but we'll see what kind of responses I get. Until I get a feel for what the people want, I'll be answering some of the questions I had that I had a hard time finding the answer to when I started. I'm not an expert guys, I'm on this journey too. I've been paleo nearly three months now, so I like to think I'm past the brand new beginning phase.  One of my biggest questions when I started going paleo was how paleo I really had to be.
What I mean is, do I really have to buy coconut aminos instead of soy sauce, because you're not supposed to eat soy?
Do I have to go out of my way to replace milk with coconut or almond milk?
What happens if I can't find almond butter, is peanut butter okay?

For a while I felt kind of guilty about not being 100% paleo. I really wanted to go all out on this, but there are two things that stood in my way (and probably will stand in yours too). Price and availability.

Price is a pretty self explanatory problem. Paleo can be expensive. Organic food, free range eggs, grass fed meat, that doesn't come cheap. The trick to this is to figure out what's really worth spending the money on and what it's okay to scrimp on. For me, organic fruits and veg were something that I just couldn't justify. A bag of grapes at the on-post grocery store costs me around three bucks. Organic grapes cost more than five bucks. That's almost twice the cost, that's just too much. Also, to be honest, organic produce just doesn't last as long in the fridge as non-organic food does. I know that's probably desirable, you know, less preservatives or whatever, but we do two grocery trips a month, and I need that produce to last or we're wasting tons of money. Also, there's a lot of stigma surrounding organic food and GMO's and how much better organic food actually is for you than normal food. Personally, I don't think there's that much in it. I know that's practically blasphemy for the paleo crowd, but I've had all organic fruit and veg and it taste the same, looks the same, cooks the same. If you've got the extra $100 a paycheck to spend on organic produce then by all means, go ahead. I'm not casting a judgement on eating organic. But for me, for the Two Idiots, and for a lot of people I know living on a fixed income, it's just not feasible. Meat is another animal entirely. Pun intended. Meat is the most expensive thing you'll be buying at the grocery store. If you want to buy grass fed/organic/free range meat you can pretty safely double the cost of your meat budget. If you're not worried about that, then good for you, buy all of the grass fed meat! But, probably, you are worried about spending that much money, which is why you're here. If there is grass fed stuff on sale, buy it. I also almost always buy free range eggs. They're only slightly more expensive than cage raised eggs, and we eat a TON of eggs, so I can feel good about that. I try my best not to buy from companies like Tyson, who is notorious for factory farming and really terrible conditions. If the animal has had a miserable life, I don't want to buy that meat. It's also probably not as good for you as an animal that has been raised for all or most of it's life free-range. So, do a little research and buy what is the least bad. I know that sounds like a cop out, but spending $20 for a dozen chicken breasts vs $12 is hard to argue. Don't beat yourself up because your fridge doesn't look like a frontiersman's wet dream, just try to buy the best you can.
For other things, like coconut aminos and coconut flour and things like that, that's kind of a different story. I still use soy sauce and Sriracha for reasons I'll discuss below. But for things like almond butter or coconut flour, it really is worth it to spend the extra and follow the rules. These types of...pantry things don't need to be replaced as often as the produce and meat, so you're only going to rack up a bill maybe once every month or two, depending on how much you use them. I love love love coconut flour, so I'm more than happy to spend $6 for a pound of it. Bt maybe you don't do much baking, or much frying. You probably don't need coconut flour. If you're a nut-butter fiend though, like Mr. Idiot, then spend the extra for almond butter, or sun butter or cashew butter. (If you're feeling super thrifty, you can make that yourself.) Deciding what you want to spend on is really up to your tastes. So before you go blowing a whole paycheck on paleo baking goodies, think about it. Are you really going to use it? Like ghee for instance. I don't use a whole lot of butter in my cooking, so spending extra for ghee just isn't worth it. I just use the regular stuff. That's what you should consider.
TL;DR: Is the money I'm spending on this going to be worth it, or is this going to be something that slowly goes bad in the back of the fridge?.

This is a problem no matter how much money you have to spend. It's also one of the most frustrating things about going paleo. If you live in a major city, this probably isn't an issue. Hell, if you live in really awesome cities they have paleo restaurants you can go to. Unfortunately, not all of us can live in the big city. Some of us (the Idiots included) live out in the boonies. Or outside an army base, whatever. This is something I've had to deal with a lot because we primarily shop at the on-post grocery, and the best alternatives are Piggly Wiggly and WalMart who's selection isn't much better. I've had a hard time finding stuff like almond butter, which should be super common. If you're struggling to find really specific things (again, coconut aminos, looking at you) my advice is don't sweat it. If you're committed to finding something, then use Amazon.com. I found some paleo wraps that I loved and for pretty cheap. But sometimes you just can't find what you're looking for. I'd kill if I could find myself some paleo bread that I didn't have to pore over the ingredients to identify. 

The problem I had in the beginning is I felt I wasn't doing a good enough job being paleo, especially not good enough to justify blogging about it and giving other people advice about it. But, my advice to you is just relax. You don't have to be paleo 100% of the time. It's all right to have a break day during the week, it's okay to occasionally have a sandwich or some chicken wings. The world is not going to come crashing down around you, and you are definitely not a paleo 'failure' for not being perfect. If you can't find coconut flour, use almond flour, it's easier to find. If you can't find coconut aminos, just use soy sauce (or fish sauce in a pinch.) Part of the fun in paleo is figuring out new ways to make old recipes. It's pretty gratifying when I can make something like eggplant Parmesan, and Mr. Idiot says it's better than the real stuff. That's the best part of paleo, and that's the part I think is the most important. This shouldn't feel like a 'diet' this should just feel like an adjustment to your lifestyle. After a while, it really becomes second nature. 

Thanks for reading guys! Please let me know in the comments what else you'd like covered in the Idiot-Proof Paleo guide!

What to expect when you're expecting...to go paleo

So, if you're good little Idiots, you've all looked at the paleo shopping guide I posted earlier today. Over the course of the week, I'll be breaking down that list for you a little, and going over some of the big hurdles I encountered when I started going paleo.
Things like:
Do I spend more and buy all organic?
Do I buy all free range meat and eggs?
Can I still have milk in my coffee?
How much cooking am I going to have to?
Is there a 'convenient' paleo?
There's also the question of whether you want to be really, totally, completely paleo, or whether it's better for you to give yourself some leeway on things like coconut aminos and paleo Sriracha that are really hard to find, or are really expensive. I know for me at least, because we shop at the military grocery store, there's a limited selection of specialty and organic/all natural ingredients. And I also know paleo can be really expensive. You're supposed to buy all this pure food, all organic, all free range. That shit is pricey, and if you live on a fixed income like we do, being a perfect example of paleo sainthood isn't really possible.
What is possible though is changing the way you think about food, about snacking and about the things that are going to fill your belly and make you happy and healthy.
These are all questions I had, and I did a lot of googling to try and answer them. Unfortunately, there are so many competing voices out there it can be overwhelming trying to pick one to follow. So, I'll send you to some great resources I used, and I'll tell you my experience and let you decide what you want to do.
The list that went up today was a total paleo overhaul of your kitchen. It's kind of a one-size-fits-all guide: a pretty comprehensive list of the basics, and it looks a lot like my first paleo shopping list.
Over the course of the week, I'll be talking about all these things. I don't want to scare you with massive walls of text, so the Idiot Proof Guide to Paleo is going to get broken down a little bit.

Paleo can be stressful and intimidating at first; you come home with a cart full of vegetables and no idea how to cook them, but rest assured, if this Idiot can do it, you can too.

Idiot Proof Paleo Shopping

Alright, you asked for it, and it's here, the Idiot Proof guide to your first paleo shop. I know I said I'd have it up last week, but the Mother Idiot was here and we were busy enjoying the sun (that finally made an appearance and warmed up the godforsaken iced over hellscape of NC).
So, it's here now. This is a complete list of everything you'll need for your first shop. I'm going to get another printable list up soon to show you what my weekly grocery list looks like, because it isn't nearly as extensive as this. Next weeks list will also have amounts of what I'm buying and a breakdown of where the food goes and how many meals I get out of it. I hope you guys like this, because this lil ole' blog is turning into a full-time thing, what with all the designing I'm doing.
Now, this list is also for two people. If you're a solo paleo eater, you can probably knock off some of the veggies and a few of the meats and still be okay. A lot of this is trial and error, and I hate to break it to you, but the first few weeks you may find yourself not eating things in time and throwing them away. I know that's awful, and it made me super angry because I absolutely detest wasting food, but until you figure out exactly what your individual needs are, you just have to suck it up. Or buy less and make more trips to the grocery store. Mr. Idiot and I share a car, so multiple grocery trips are a huge pain in the butt.
Tell me what you think, tell me if there's anything missing, and as always, feel free to voice your opinion in the comments!

March Madness

Hello all.
I'm going to apologize again, and in advance for the lack of posts in the next few days. It's been a bit of a crazy week for me. The dog has been taking up pretty much all of my attention, because I mean come on. She's adorable and ALWAYS down to play.

Look at that freakin face!

So, there's that, there's the fact I've been working out (at an actual gym I'll have you know) and going to yoga a ton. (More on that whole deal later this week, I promise)

AND there's the minor thing that mama Idiot is coming to visit on Saturday! I'm pretty stoked about it, because I haven't seen her since Christmas, BUT that means I have to do a total blitz of my house. I have a highly organized plan of execution, room by room, to get the whole place mom-approved before she gets here. 

I've also got some furniture revamping to do. We finally got around to getting a sander, so Mr. Idiot sanded down the coffee table and the dresser and it's my job to paint them. I have never painted furniture, so we'll see how they turn out. I'm pretty hopeful, because Mr. Idiot is a total handyman n00b and he did a beautiful job sanding the stuff down. Fingers crossed I can pull of my first attempt as flawlessly. 

In other news, I managed to spend less than $200 at the grocery store this week. I don't know if that's because I'm eating less, so we have more food or something, but it was nice to not cry inwardly as I watch all the money just...trickle away. I'm going to post a shopping list for all my dedicated followers (all three of you <3) Partly for me, so I can stop wasting scraps of paper, and partly for you guys, so you can get an idea what paleo shopping on a pretty tight budget looks like. I know that $200 at the grocery store sounds like a LOT of money, but that feeds two people for two weeks and change. Fifty bucks per person a week isn't bad I think. It's actually less than we were spending before we went paleo, because I'm not buying chips or oatmeal or cookies or anything. Or frozen dinners, I won't lie, I was kind of partial to those, and they add up quickly. Plus, there's normally at least two or three days left of food at the end of the two weeks if I can't get to the grocery store on payday (because it is an ungodly hellscape.)

So, stay tuned for the grocery list, a break down of my workout, my diet and how the weight loss is going (I'm down ten pounds already!!)

So, stay tuned, I promise to be more on top of the whole posting thing, because I know you all care about my little life. 

Much love,

Mrs. Idiot. 

Steak is good for the soul

So, here's the belated Valentine's day post I know you've all been dying to get your eyes on.
Even if you don't care, here it is anyway, so enjoy. ENJOY I said.
Mr Idiot was lovely and went out in the morning to pick up a veritable cornucopia of deliciousness (which included tulips, awww) and we feasted upon eggs and bacon and sausages and biscuits. We also decided that if we were going to take a break day (maybe it went to the rest of the weekend) from paleo v-day seemed to be the best day to do it.
So he came home with chocolates and biscuits and champagne. Because he knows how to treat a lady.

What a charmer.

Yes guys, those are wine bottles you can see in the background. We love us some fermented grapes in this house.

Anyway, I won't bother to give you breakfast recipes, because it was pretty basic. And massive, and delicious. And full of mimosas, which is my favorite kind of breakfast. We could barely move once we'd finished, so thank god House of Cards came out as we needed several hours to deflate. (IT'S SO GOOD GUYS. WATCH IT NOW. SHAMELESS NETFLIX PLUG. I DON'T EVEN CARE)

After all the biscuits, and all the House of Cards tension, we figured we'd skip the traditional Valentine's Day candlelit dinner and go rock climbing. There's a place in downtown Fayetteville called The Climbing Place, which we love. The staff are great and friendly, and on Fridays they do $13 equipment rentals, and free pizza. Which is kind of a big deal.

So we went and climbed off some of the chocolate, and I was reminded that physics is a thing, and when Mr. Idiot, who is a fair bit heavier than me, falls off a wall, I will inevitably fly off the floor and nearly collide with his crotch. To the delight of The Climbing Place employees.

If you're clicking on this post for a recipe, you've finally made it. Though I hesitate to really call it a recipe. It's more like...here's what we ate.
But you're here, so I should share it anyway.
Steak is good for the Soul

2 (absolutely enormous) sirloin steaks
1 1/2 packs of whole button mushrooms
3 tbsp butter (but you can never really have too much)
2 tbsp olive oil
1 bundle of asparagus, with the woody ends cut off.

Season the steak with salt, pepper, red pepper, garlic and onion powder, paprika and parsley.

Cook it in a skillet over medium high heat for eight or nine minutes on each side, or until the center has reached your desired level of pinkness. Our sirloins were really and truly giant, so if your steak is smaller, you won't have to cook it as long.

Wash off your mushrooms to get the dirt off (or don't, a little dirt never hurt anyone.) and add 2 tbsp olive oil to a pan on medium high heat. Once the oil is hot, add the mushrooms and let them cook for a few minutes. Drizzle some olive oil over the top to coat and cover the pan. Let the mushrooms cook until they become fragrant and are a little soft, about ten minutes.

While the steak is going, bring a pot of water to a boil and cook your asparagus until they're about halfway done (six or seven minutes in boiling water) and then drain the pot. Melt the butter in the pot and lower the heat to med-low. Put the asparagus back in and let it absorb the butter, so another five or six minutes, or until most of the butter is gone.

That's it. Nothing complicated for v-day for the Idiots, but damn was it tasty. Opened a nice little bottle of wine and watched Kevin Spacey get all amoral on D.C.'s ass.

Perfect Valentine's day if you ask me.

Greasy bar food, paleo style

So, if you're anything like me ( and if you're reading, I assume you are) you love yourself some tasty, greasy finger food. I love dive bars, partly because the beer is always cheap, but also becasue the food is always good and spicy and extra greasy, and I can eat it with my fingers and no one will judge me.
Double win.
Sometimes when you're trying to eat clean and be healthy you get cravings for things you really cannot have. Like hot wings, fries and ranch, or cinnamon rolls. But the goal is to not give in to those cravings. Though, don't torture yourself. Mr Idiot and I have Saturdays off. We can have a little ice cream, maybe some hamburgers, and we don't get nutso over the smell of McDonald's the rest of the week. I guess the trick is to set yourself a limit--I can have a break day, or meal, or week, and then I have to stick to the plan. It helps stop binge eating on stuff you've been denying yourself and then feeling guilty about it for ages afterwords. At least, that's what works for us. There are lots of great resources on making sure you don't crack and go crazy on a diet.
But, I've gotten off point. I had a craving for the bar food I love (and can't have) so instead of caving and ordering delivery, we made an attempt to recreate the joy of wings and fries without the grease and bad fats.
So, this recipe is kind of labor intensive. There's a few recipes that I combined to get this meal, but you can swap in or out whatever you feel like eating.
I wanted something spicy, and I really wanted finger food, so we made drumsticks and fries and Caesar salad with paleo friendly ranch dressing.
So, this is probably a thing you should start early, because the drumsticks need to marinade. I only marinaded them for an hour, and they were not nearly as spicy as I wanted.

So, this is what you'll need for the drumsticks
However many drumsticks you feel like eating (we made eight)
2 jalapeno peppers, deseeded and cut into chunks
1/4 cup of coconut oil melted
2 tablespoons coconut aminos
4 cloves of garlic peeled
1 tsp ground cumin
juice of 1 lime
1/2 cup cilantro leaves

Blend all of that good stuff together in a food processor. Put the drumsticks in a freezer bag and pour in your spicy marinade. Shake the bag around to coat the drumsticks and stick them in the fridge for anywhere between one and eight hours. (I'd go for more than an hour, let that lime and jalapeno really sink in there.)

While those are marinading, you can prep the sweet potatoes and the dressing.

This dressing, by the way, is awesome. I used the leftovers to dip meatballs in, I used it as veggie dip, it's great.
So, here's the ingredients for the dip/dressing/awesome sauce

1 ripe avocado
3 garlic cloves
1 can of coconut milk
1 tbsp lemon juice
2 tbsp fresh dill
2 tbsp fresh chives
salt and pepper to taste.

Throw all of that in the food processor and blend it all up. I put a hearty squish of sriracha sauce into the mix because I'm a sucker for punishment.

I threw together a salad with some turnip greens and some lettuce that was leftover in the fridge. There were some carrots and...whatever in there, use your imagination.

So! Once your lime chicken is done marinading, make your sweet potato fries. You can get the low down on sweet potato fries from the Idiot Burgers recipe here.

The fries have to go in at 450 and the chicken cooks at 425, so make your choice which one you wanna cook first, it's no big deal.

Put the drumsticks on a wire rack over an oven tray covered in foil.
We don't have a cooling rack, so I used the rack from the toaster oven. Don't judge. Improvise, okay?

Anyway, cook the chicken at 425 for fifteen minutes, take it out, turn it and cook it for another 15. Make sure the juice runs clear when you cut into it.

That's it. You can make the fries or not, or just salad, or coleslaw or anything you like.

If you're in the mood for some really good barfood that's not nearly as bad for you as it tastes, this is the stuff for you.

Happy Saturday loooovers

Happy Valentine's day (a little late, I grant you) I hope you all had a lovely day, I know these two Idiots did. Mr. Idiot even brought champagne so we could have mimosas. But, this is not where I rub your faces in how much breakfast food I ate yesterday. (It was a LOT by the way) But, I am here to talk about this awesome baked eggplant I made last night. (Don't panic guys, Valentine's day steak dinner photos are coming soon, but I am full of leftover steak and wine, so be happy I'm posting at all.)

Anyway, one of the things I realized was missing in my new paleo delicious lifestyle was some hearty Italian food. There's plenty of awesome recipes for Asian food and burgers and all kinds, but I think Italian is hard to fake because of all that cheese and pasta and...okay, I'm drooling.
But! If you've got a hankering like I did for hearty, meaty yummy Italian goodness, this is stuff for you. And it's pretty easy. And I got to use a new vegetable so score on the experience chart for me!

Anyway, I used ground turkey in this because we didn't have any other ground beef, but you can use beef too.

Preheat the oven to 375 degrees.

You have to slice the eggplant up and "weep" it, which is something I had never heard of until the other night. Slice it, put it in a colander and salt it. Leave it for 20 minutes and it'll leak liquid. (Put a bowl under the colander fyi)

Squish it down a little after the 20 minutes to get any leftover liquid out.

Brush the slices of eggplant with olive oil on both sides and put the eggplant in the oven for 25 minutes.

The time it takes to get the eggplant done is different depending on your oven, so make sure it's crispy on the edges.

Turn the oven down to 350 and heat a pan over medium high heat. I diced up a couple of tomatoes and added a cup of tomato juice.

Let the meat cook through, the turkey only took about ten minutes.

You can layer this however you like, I know eggplant parm isn't usually layered like lasagna, but I only have a little oven dish, so I layered it.

Once the oven is down to 350, put the eggplant in for another fifteen minutes.

I sprinkled parmesan on top (SUE ME GUYS) because it's delicious and we had a little bit still leftover.

Plate, and ta-da! Awesome, filling, Italian amazingness. So satisfying.

Coconut Mushroom pork with bacon turnip greens

So, most boring title ever, but whatever. It was super yummy. And today was ANOTHER snow day, which can I just take a minute and say what the hell North Carolina, it is halfway through February, it is time for snow days to be over and done with. It snowed nearly three inches in one day, and it's supposed to snow more tomorrow and Thursday. I do love the snow and it's so nice because AZ NEVER gets snow in the Valley, so it's a nice change, but come on weather gods. It's halfway to March, isn't it supposed to be getting to spring now? Like...soon?
Whatever, snow or no snow, I tackled p90x yoga again today, and I am quite proud to say that I made it through a whole hour of that crazy stuff today. And let me tell you, I am indeed hella sore. But, I feel good and like I worked hard and my butt is on fire guys. On. Fire. But in the best way. So, I'll be back at it again tomorrow, and the goal is to actually finish a session finally. Maybe tomorrow. My butt hurts today.
Anyway.
Here's some tasty pork-stuffs to eat when  your butt hurts, like mine does.

Mushroom and Coconut pork with bacon turnip greens.

What you'll need:
1/2 yellow onion, diced
10 oz mushrooms (or just a whole package sliced, that works too)
2 tbsp coconut oil
4 tbsp minced garlic
1 cup coconut milk
1 cup chicken broth
Big handful of turnip greens
3 slices of bacon, sliced

So, the vast majority of this cooking is done while you are in the living room, so that is a definite bonus for me.
Anyway, the steps for you to follow are thus:

Liberally season you pork chops with salt and pepper and cook in the coconut oil in a deep skillet on medium high heat for about four minutes per side, or until it gets brown on the outside.

Take the pork chops out and put them aside.

If you have to put more coconut oil in the skillet, you can, but either way, saute your onions and mushrooms in the same pan for another couple of minutes, or until the onions start to go transparent.

Pour the chicken broth into the skillet, let it come to a boil, take the heat to med-low and put the pork chops back in the skillet.

Add 2 tbsp of mince garlic, and cover the skillet and let it simmer for ten minutes, in the meantime start the turnip greens.

Take a pan, melt the other tbsp coconut oil and put in your turnip greens. Cover and let the leaves wilt for a few minutes. 

Bacon is my BFF

This meal, unfortunately is NOT a one pot meal by any means. There were like three pots going while I made this. It was delicious, but make sure you've got a lovely husband who is going to do the cleanup for you.

Add your bacon, and 2 tbsp minced garlic to the turnip greens and re-cover.

While the turnip greens are wilting, after the ten minutes are up, add in the cup of coconut milk to the pork chops and let it simmer. Bring the heat up to med-high and simmer, covered, for another ten minutes.

Turn the turnip greens down to med-low and let them heat up until the pork chops are done.

Once the turnip greens are done and the ten minutes are up, you're ready to serve.

I blended my turnip greens in a food processor for a few seconds before I plated, just to break up the turnip greens (which are ENORMOUS).
This stuff was super good, and Mr. Idiot was very disappointed that there wasn't more turnip greens to eat. That's usually a good sign, when Mr. Idiot is bummed there isn't more of it.

I'll admit, this is kind of an intensive meal...there were lots of pots going and lots of checking to make sure everything was going alright, but it was delicious and totally worth it.

Breakfast is my favorite, happy Friday, and other stuff

Hello one and all.
First of all, a big shoutout to the lovely guys and gals over at /r/paleo for giving me the Reddit bump. Doubled my pageviews this week compared to last week. I hope you guys are loving the recipes and my ranting and all that fun stuff. Keep coming back, you're all wonderful <3
Now that the sucking up is out of the way, I've got big news. I finally convinced myself it was time to tackle the beast that is P90X yoga. I know a lot of other paleo bloggers are all "Crossfit, woo!" "I love working out, woo!" But I've got a bit of a ways to go before I'm back on my pre-squishy tummy game. So, we're starting at the beginning, which seems like the right place to start, right?
Anyway, I've been doing Erin Motz's GREAT 30 Days of Yoga Challenge over on YouTube and loving it. And her. Totally normal to have a girl-crush on your virtual yoga instructor, right? Well, anyway, if you're interested in getting back into yoga, or need something short in the morning to get you moving before work, PLEASE go check her out. She's adorable and her videos are great. So, ANYWAY, I had been doing that, and I'm halfway through and still doing it. But that was pretty much the only workout I was getting, so I started doing some primary ashtanga poses before I watched Erin's videos which was working for a while but last week I realized I just wasn't sore anymore after doing yoga. And I loooove that yoga burn. I live for that yoga burn. So...Tony Horton came to town and I decided to try my hand at the sweatiest yoga video ever. I swear to god. I've been to hot yoga classes that are less sweaty than I was this morning after just 45 minutes of that crazy guy's yoga video. LOVED it. The video is actually an hour and a half, and I only made it halfway through, it's tough. But I'll be back again tomorrow, and again and again until I finish it and then it's on to the next workout milestone.
I can't believe how great I feel. I can't believe I let myself sit around the house all stagnant and unenergetic for so long when I could have been feeling like this. If you're reading this and you don't know if you want to start getting healthy, or maybe you're like me and you used to be a fairly fit (and maybe yoga addicted) person and you let yourself go, don't wait another day. Get back on the wagon. I cannot begin to tell you how awesome I feel.

Okay, so that was a lot longer than I anticipated, but anyway. Breakfast. I love breakfast. I'm always starving after I do yoga in the morning, so I always need something quick.Mr. Idiot and I are trying to reduce our bacon consumption (I KNOW, blasphemy) because we're going through like three packages a week. Which is 12 things of bacon a month guys. So. Much. Bacon. Luckily, I found a really great substitute. Sausage.
Neese's is the brand I'm using, partly because it's just a big rectangle of ground pork that I can have my cooking way with, and also because there is a grand total of four ingredients in it. Pork, salt, spices and sugar. Big plus. There is added sugar in it, which I know, cardinal paleo sin, but Neese's is the best option I can find for less than four bucks a pack.

There's lots of options with sausage. I normally mush some into a scramble with whatever is about to go bad in the fridge, and presto, breakfast! But I wasn't really feeling ANOTHER random scramble this morning, so I fried up some slices of sausage instead.

This was leftover from breakfast a few days ago, and there wasn't enough to make a whole scramble with so I fried it up instead. Good decision.
I also threw some mushrooms into the pork fat once the sausages had cooked and scrambled some eggs. YES guys, that is cheese, but it's parmesan which I have on good authority (intense Googling) is the least bad for you of all the cheeses, so nyah.

Chicken and squash coconut curry

So, I haven't made anything that I can keep in bulk, and after last weeks "what the hell are we going to eat" problems, I figured making some big quantities wouldn't be a bad idea.
It's not that we're not buying enough food, I buy enough vegetables to feed a small country, but by the time the last few days before payday rolls around we've eaten all the fresh stuff, and I never know what to do with just frozen veggies.
So I'm looking out for recipes that I can cook and freeze.
Curry ticks all of those boxes. Freezes well, can easily be made in bulk and super easy to stretch out.
This particular curry is very...orange. It's got carrots, butternut squash and sweet potatoes in it, so there's lots of filling veggies in here.
This is the one time I listened to Mr. (baby) Idiot and didn't  make something stupid spicy, and then he had the gall to complain! So, the frozen half of this will be getting a heavy scooping of curry paste next time.

Anyway, here's what you'll need

4 carrots, chopped
1 butternut squash, chopped
1 sweet potato chopped
2 chicken breasts, cubed
1 cup of coconut milk
1 cup of chicken stock
2 tbsp curry paste
3 tbsp chili garlic sauce
2 tbsp grated ginger
2 tsp cumin
3 tsp paprika

The lovely thing about this is that you kind of just...throw everything into the pot and let it simmer for a while. Super easy, and you can ignore it and go watch 30 Rock on Netflix. That's what you guys do right? Right??

Anyway, even if that's not what you do with your 25 minutes of free time, but chop all your veggies up and throw everything in the pot.

Side note. I have never peeled a squash before. Know what you're getting into before you start peeling, because your veggie peeler will not work here. The skin is like an inch thick. I just sliced the skin off and called it a day. I'm sure there are other ways to do it, but..I got frustrated so it happened.

Add in the chicken stock and bring it up to a low boil.

Add in the coconut milk, as well as all the spices and let it simmer for a while.

After about 15 minutes, check on everything and keep letting everything cook until the chicken is cooked through. Plate, and serve. Hey presto. I had TONS of this left after I'd made two servings, so this is going in the freezer for next weeks dinner.

I made cauliflower rice to serve this on, which is basically ground up cauliflower. I used my (amazing and wonderful) food processor to get this to the right consistency, but if you have a grater (and the patience of a saint) you can grate it down to rice-size. I also ground up some coconut flakes in with the cauliflower and heated it up in a pan with some coconut oil.

More baking!

So, I know, paleo sweets are only supposed to be eaten in moderation. But...they're so good. And baking makes me happy when I'm angry. And the on-base supermarket on payday is hell on earth.
So I came home after four hours of dodging children darting in front of my cart and trying not to slam my cart into the backs of peoples legs and I saw two pears that really needed to get eaten.
So I answered the call of my oven and I baked.
Pear bread:
So, I couldn't find any paleo recipes and I had to modify, but things turned out wonderfully.

You'll need:
2 (very) rip pears, peeled and chopped.
1/3 cup maple syrup
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp ground cloves
1/3 cup coconut oil
2 eggs
2/3 cup almond flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

Toss the pears with the maple syrup, ginger and cloves in a bowl to let the flavor sink in a little.

In another bowl, combine the dry ingredients.

Add everything else to the bowl with the pears, and then add the dry ingredients. I used a food processor to blend everything nice and smooth, but if you use a fork to break up the pears you should be able to whisk everything else together.

Pour everything into a pan and put it in the oven for about 50 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean when you prick the center.

I sliced up a banana and put it on the top (and it didn't sink!) Mr Idiot didn't like the texture of the banana on top which was totally fine with me, because I got all of it.

This was so good, and I ate it for breakfast, and as a snack and it was great with apple butter on it or butter and toasted.
Yum.
Make it, your friends will love it. (Or, if you're lucky, they'll all hate it and you'll get it all.)

Garlic and spinach "spaghetti" and a month review

I have been really enjoying paleo. I was worried when we started doing this, but we're almost one month in, and although I don't think I've lost any weight, I feel a million times better. I feel more comfortable in my body because it feels like I'm actually taking care of it, feeding it what it actually craves and not carbo-loading and snacking on empty calories all day long. I don't get hungry between meals anymore, and when it is meal time, I want to eat. I enjoy the prospect of meal time so much more because I feel as though I need it, not that I'm bored and my stomach is empty. I have so much more energy. And, I'm learning so much about food through this experience. I'm learning how to bake on a restricted diet (see the banana bread, and look out for ginger and pear bread this week!) I'm learning about new vegetables, how they work with other foods, how to use different oils and spices and meats in different recipes to get different results. It's always an adventure when it comes time to cook, because I'm always trying something new. Paleo food, because the rules are so clear, has also given me the confidence to put the recipes away (not all the time mind you...) and start to venture out on my own and make things that are original (and delicious, if I do say so myself).

In keeping with that adventurous spirit, I found myself staring at my half-a-spaghetti-squash sitting in my fridge from the last time we made noodle bowls. What was I going to do with it. Not that I don't LOVE that paleomg recipe, I do (much love) but I wanted something different, and spaghetti squash is such a cool vegetable. Plus, I want to get as much of this truly excellent winter veggie before it's all gone and I have to find something else seasonal and amazing to make. 

So, here it is

Pork loin medallions and garlic and spinach spaghetti (squash)

Season the pork loin (or whatever meat you're using) with rosemary, sage, basil and liberal salt and pepper.

For the spaghetti you'll need:

½ spaghetti squash

3 cloves of garlic

3 tbsp minced garlic

½ bag of frozen spinach (If I had to guess I'd say...two cups?)

½ onion chopped

There is a two step oven process here, so start this early.

For the squash, you'll need to bake it for around 40 minutes at 375, or until the skin gives when you poke it. (Take the seeds out pre-cooking, so much easier) Everyone online says do it for 20 minutes, but maybe we're buying incredibly large squashes because ours wasn't even nearly done by 20 minutes.

Once the squash is cooked, scoop out the delicious stringy innards and stick them in a bowl.

Turn the oven heat up to 450 and put the pork loin in. This will need around 30 minutes to cook, and the rest of the recipe takes about 20 minutes, so don't wait in between putting the pork loin in and getting finished.

Heat a large (and deep!) pan over medium high heat and melt 2 tbsp coconut oil.

Put your spaghetti squash insides in the pan with three tbsp minced garlic.

Add the onions and spinach and put a lid on the pan to let it steam.

I crushed the three whole cloves, but for me that was purely aesthetic, that bit is up to you.

Once everything is cook, cut your pork loin and serve.

Yum : )

I'm still on the lookout for new ways to use spaghetti squash, so if you have some, please share below.  

Winter wonderland dinner to warm your belly

It has been COLD here in North Carolina guys. And I know that some of you must be from the ice-swept lands of Kansas or Montana where there are like ten inches of snow a day, but this is the South. It is not supposed to be snowy here. We got three inches of snow on Tuesday. Three inches! The high was like 20 degrees. Our house and my wardrobe are not equipped to handle those kind of temperatures.

We did build a tiny snowman and make snow angels though. That was pretty rad, I can't remember the last time I actually played in the snow.

So, Mr Idiot and I needed to whip up something nice and hearty to keep us toasty. And so we did. The only problem is that my go-to recipes for heart meals almost always involve potatoes or pasta, both of which we're not allowed to eat. So, we came up with a solution.

This recipe is a personal favorite because it utilizes what I think is one of the world's least recognized vegetables, the parsnip. I absolutely adore parsnips. My dad makes them at Christmas and he roasts them and they are crispy and crunchy and just the right amount of sweet and omg. So. Fricken. Good. So when I saw them on special I couldn't help but buy some. Mr. Idiot had never even heard of a parsnip before, so this was the perfect introduction.

Baked salmon and root veggie hash

This is super easy to whip up, and following the theme of most of my recipes lately, was a very efficient way to clean out some straggler vegetables in preparation for the Great Fridge Restocking of 2014.

4 parsnips, peeled

3 carrots, peeled

4 strips of bacon, diced.

3 fillets of salmon

Ground sage

salt and pepper

Dried lemon peel

I found some asparagus spears at the bottom of the crisper that look like they were about to be done, so we grilled those up as well, but you can add any other veggies to this as you like.

Line an oven tray with tin foil and preheat the oven 375 degrees.

We didn't really measure out the seasoning, just add enough until the top of the fillet is pretty well covered. If I had to guess I'd say on each fillet ½ tbsp sage, ½ tbsp lemon peel, and be liberal with the salt and pepper.

Pop in the oven and bake for 40 minutes, or until the salmon is flaky.

Peel your carrots and parsnips and then grate them into a bowl. I just used the peeler and peeled strips off until I had little nubby centers left.

In a large skillet over med-high heat, melt coconut oil and add carrots and parsnips. Stir the hash occasionally.

After about seven minutes on the heat, add in the bacon. Stir until the bacon is cooked. Once your bacon is done, lower the heat and leave the hash in the skillet to keep it warm.

Once the hash was done cooking, we grilled the asparagus with a bit of salt and pepper. 

Cut the woody ends off the asparagus. Ours were perhaps on their last legs, so we cut most of the ends off and had the spears. 

Plate, and serve. Hey presto, delicious hearty noms.