How paleo is enough paleo? Idiot-Proof Paleo pt 1

Hello all, and welcome to the part one of the Idiot-Proof Paleo Plan!
So, I'm going to post on the Facebook page to find out what kinds of questions you guys have, but we'll see what kind of responses I get. Until I get a feel for what the people want, I'll be answering some of the questions I had that I had a hard time finding the answer to when I started. I'm not an expert guys, I'm on this journey too. I've been paleo nearly three months now, so I like to think I'm past the brand new beginning phase.  One of my biggest questions when I started going paleo was how paleo I really had to be.
What I mean is, do I really have to buy coconut aminos instead of soy sauce, because you're not supposed to eat soy?
Do I have to go out of my way to replace milk with coconut or almond milk?
What happens if I can't find almond butter, is peanut butter okay?

For a while I felt kind of guilty about not being 100% paleo. I really wanted to go all out on this, but there are two things that stood in my way (and probably will stand in yours too). Price and availability.

Price is a pretty self explanatory problem. Paleo can be expensive. Organic food, free range eggs, grass fed meat, that doesn't come cheap. The trick to this is to figure out what's really worth spending the money on and what it's okay to scrimp on. For me, organic fruits and veg were something that I just couldn't justify. A bag of grapes at the on-post grocery store costs me around three bucks. Organic grapes cost more than five bucks. That's almost twice the cost, that's just too much. Also, to be honest, organic produce just doesn't last as long in the fridge as non-organic food does. I know that's probably desirable, you know, less preservatives or whatever, but we do two grocery trips a month, and I need that produce to last or we're wasting tons of money. Also, there's a lot of stigma surrounding organic food and GMO's and how much better organic food actually is for you than normal food. Personally, I don't think there's that much in it. I know that's practically blasphemy for the paleo crowd, but I've had all organic fruit and veg and it taste the same, looks the same, cooks the same. If you've got the extra $100 a paycheck to spend on organic produce then by all means, go ahead. I'm not casting a judgement on eating organic. But for me, for the Two Idiots, and for a lot of people I know living on a fixed income, it's just not feasible. Meat is another animal entirely. Pun intended. Meat is the most expensive thing you'll be buying at the grocery store. If you want to buy grass fed/organic/free range meat you can pretty safely double the cost of your meat budget. If you're not worried about that, then good for you, buy all of the grass fed meat! But, probably, you are worried about spending that much money, which is why you're here. If there is grass fed stuff on sale, buy it. I also almost always buy free range eggs. They're only slightly more expensive than cage raised eggs, and we eat a TON of eggs, so I can feel good about that. I try my best not to buy from companies like Tyson, who is notorious for factory farming and really terrible conditions. If the animal has had a miserable life, I don't want to buy that meat. It's also probably not as good for you as an animal that has been raised for all or most of it's life free-range. So, do a little research and buy what is the least bad. I know that sounds like a cop out, but spending $20 for a dozen chicken breasts vs $12 is hard to argue. Don't beat yourself up because your fridge doesn't look like a frontiersman's wet dream, just try to buy the best you can.
For other things, like coconut aminos and coconut flour and things like that, that's kind of a different story. I still use soy sauce and Sriracha for reasons I'll discuss below. But for things like almond butter or coconut flour, it really is worth it to spend the extra and follow the rules. These types of...pantry things don't need to be replaced as often as the produce and meat, so you're only going to rack up a bill maybe once every month or two, depending on how much you use them. I love love love coconut flour, so I'm more than happy to spend $6 for a pound of it. Bt maybe you don't do much baking, or much frying. You probably don't need coconut flour. If you're a nut-butter fiend though, like Mr. Idiot, then spend the extra for almond butter, or sun butter or cashew butter. (If you're feeling super thrifty, you can make that yourself.) Deciding what you want to spend on is really up to your tastes. So before you go blowing a whole paycheck on paleo baking goodies, think about it. Are you really going to use it? Like ghee for instance. I don't use a whole lot of butter in my cooking, so spending extra for ghee just isn't worth it. I just use the regular stuff. That's what you should consider.
TL;DR: Is the money I'm spending on this going to be worth it, or is this going to be something that slowly goes bad in the back of the fridge?.

This is a problem no matter how much money you have to spend. It's also one of the most frustrating things about going paleo. If you live in a major city, this probably isn't an issue. Hell, if you live in really awesome cities they have paleo restaurants you can go to. Unfortunately, not all of us can live in the big city. Some of us (the Idiots included) live out in the boonies. Or outside an army base, whatever. This is something I've had to deal with a lot because we primarily shop at the on-post grocery, and the best alternatives are Piggly Wiggly and WalMart who's selection isn't much better. I've had a hard time finding stuff like almond butter, which should be super common. If you're struggling to find really specific things (again, coconut aminos, looking at you) my advice is don't sweat it. If you're committed to finding something, then use Amazon.com. I found some paleo wraps that I loved and for pretty cheap. But sometimes you just can't find what you're looking for. I'd kill if I could find myself some paleo bread that I didn't have to pore over the ingredients to identify. 

The problem I had in the beginning is I felt I wasn't doing a good enough job being paleo, especially not good enough to justify blogging about it and giving other people advice about it. But, my advice to you is just relax. You don't have to be paleo 100% of the time. It's all right to have a break day during the week, it's okay to occasionally have a sandwich or some chicken wings. The world is not going to come crashing down around you, and you are definitely not a paleo 'failure' for not being perfect. If you can't find coconut flour, use almond flour, it's easier to find. If you can't find coconut aminos, just use soy sauce (or fish sauce in a pinch.) Part of the fun in paleo is figuring out new ways to make old recipes. It's pretty gratifying when I can make something like eggplant Parmesan, and Mr. Idiot says it's better than the real stuff. That's the best part of paleo, and that's the part I think is the most important. This shouldn't feel like a 'diet' this should just feel like an adjustment to your lifestyle. After a while, it really becomes second nature. 

Thanks for reading guys! Please let me know in the comments what else you'd like covered in the Idiot-Proof Paleo guide!

What to expect when you're expecting...to go paleo

So, if you're good little Idiots, you've all looked at the paleo shopping guide I posted earlier today. Over the course of the week, I'll be breaking down that list for you a little, and going over some of the big hurdles I encountered when I started going paleo.
Things like:
Do I spend more and buy all organic?
Do I buy all free range meat and eggs?
Can I still have milk in my coffee?
How much cooking am I going to have to?
Is there a 'convenient' paleo?
There's also the question of whether you want to be really, totally, completely paleo, or whether it's better for you to give yourself some leeway on things like coconut aminos and paleo Sriracha that are really hard to find, or are really expensive. I know for me at least, because we shop at the military grocery store, there's a limited selection of specialty and organic/all natural ingredients. And I also know paleo can be really expensive. You're supposed to buy all this pure food, all organic, all free range. That shit is pricey, and if you live on a fixed income like we do, being a perfect example of paleo sainthood isn't really possible.
What is possible though is changing the way you think about food, about snacking and about the things that are going to fill your belly and make you happy and healthy.
These are all questions I had, and I did a lot of googling to try and answer them. Unfortunately, there are so many competing voices out there it can be overwhelming trying to pick one to follow. So, I'll send you to some great resources I used, and I'll tell you my experience and let you decide what you want to do.
The list that went up today was a total paleo overhaul of your kitchen. It's kind of a one-size-fits-all guide: a pretty comprehensive list of the basics, and it looks a lot like my first paleo shopping list.
Over the course of the week, I'll be talking about all these things. I don't want to scare you with massive walls of text, so the Idiot Proof Guide to Paleo is going to get broken down a little bit.

Paleo can be stressful and intimidating at first; you come home with a cart full of vegetables and no idea how to cook them, but rest assured, if this Idiot can do it, you can too.

Idiot Proof Paleo Shopping

Alright, you asked for it, and it's here, the Idiot Proof guide to your first paleo shop. I know I said I'd have it up last week, but the Mother Idiot was here and we were busy enjoying the sun (that finally made an appearance and warmed up the godforsaken iced over hellscape of NC).
So, it's here now. This is a complete list of everything you'll need for your first shop. I'm going to get another printable list up soon to show you what my weekly grocery list looks like, because it isn't nearly as extensive as this. Next weeks list will also have amounts of what I'm buying and a breakdown of where the food goes and how many meals I get out of it. I hope you guys like this, because this lil ole' blog is turning into a full-time thing, what with all the designing I'm doing.
Now, this list is also for two people. If you're a solo paleo eater, you can probably knock off some of the veggies and a few of the meats and still be okay. A lot of this is trial and error, and I hate to break it to you, but the first few weeks you may find yourself not eating things in time and throwing them away. I know that's awful, and it made me super angry because I absolutely detest wasting food, but until you figure out exactly what your individual needs are, you just have to suck it up. Or buy less and make more trips to the grocery store. Mr. Idiot and I share a car, so multiple grocery trips are a huge pain in the butt.
Tell me what you think, tell me if there's anything missing, and as always, feel free to voice your opinion in the comments!

March Madness

Hello all.
I'm going to apologize again, and in advance for the lack of posts in the next few days. It's been a bit of a crazy week for me. The dog has been taking up pretty much all of my attention, because I mean come on. She's adorable and ALWAYS down to play.

Look at that freakin face!

So, there's that, there's the fact I've been working out (at an actual gym I'll have you know) and going to yoga a ton. (More on that whole deal later this week, I promise)

AND there's the minor thing that mama Idiot is coming to visit on Saturday! I'm pretty stoked about it, because I haven't seen her since Christmas, BUT that means I have to do a total blitz of my house. I have a highly organized plan of execution, room by room, to get the whole place mom-approved before she gets here. 

I've also got some furniture revamping to do. We finally got around to getting a sander, so Mr. Idiot sanded down the coffee table and the dresser and it's my job to paint them. I have never painted furniture, so we'll see how they turn out. I'm pretty hopeful, because Mr. Idiot is a total handyman n00b and he did a beautiful job sanding the stuff down. Fingers crossed I can pull of my first attempt as flawlessly. 

In other news, I managed to spend less than $200 at the grocery store this week. I don't know if that's because I'm eating less, so we have more food or something, but it was nice to not cry inwardly as I watch all the money just...trickle away. I'm going to post a shopping list for all my dedicated followers (all three of you <3) Partly for me, so I can stop wasting scraps of paper, and partly for you guys, so you can get an idea what paleo shopping on a pretty tight budget looks like. I know that $200 at the grocery store sounds like a LOT of money, but that feeds two people for two weeks and change. Fifty bucks per person a week isn't bad I think. It's actually less than we were spending before we went paleo, because I'm not buying chips or oatmeal or cookies or anything. Or frozen dinners, I won't lie, I was kind of partial to those, and they add up quickly. Plus, there's normally at least two or three days left of food at the end of the two weeks if I can't get to the grocery store on payday (because it is an ungodly hellscape.)

So, stay tuned for the grocery list, a break down of my workout, my diet and how the weight loss is going (I'm down ten pounds already!!)

So, stay tuned, I promise to be more on top of the whole posting thing, because I know you all care about my little life. 

Much love,

Mrs. Idiot. 

Arrrrrriba fajitas

I do like North Carolina, although I am not a huge fan of Fayetteville. I like how close the beach is, I like the weather and I love that it snows here.

What I don't like is that there is nowhere to get freaking Mexican food. Arizona is my heart, and Mexican food is the key to my heart. Amado's carne asada fries, breakfast burritos, being hungover and miserable in the parking lot of a Filliberto's while you wait for your quesadilla is perhaps what I miss the most. (Second to my besties and my parents, obvs). 

So, sometimes I get all nostalgic and I just want some damn Mexican. I cannot really recreate the greasy, beany, cheesy wonder of drive-through Mexican food, but I do what I can. 

So, here we are at fajitas. My dad makes fajitas, but his are better than this. He makes skirt steak fajitas on the mega-grill, so I'm aiming for that good and if I make it halfway, I'll be pretty pleased. 

This is a paleo diet, except for the tortillas, which you obviously can take out and still enjoy the wonder of half-decent Mexican food.  

What you'll need for a little taste of the desert:

2 stoplight bell peppers, sliced. I used red and yellow, but you can use whatever colors you want.

1 lb 'pork for fajitas' sidenote, thank you Commissary for so clearly marking your meat products. 

1 poblano pepper, sliced

1/2 yellow onion, diced

1 packet McCormick's fajita powder (so I have no idea if this is paleo, but whatever. Yolo and stuff)

2 tbsp olive oil

1/2 cup water

The 'pork for fajitas' came pre-sliced, but if you're just using a hunk of meat, cut it into strips. 

Put the olive oil in a big pot over medium high heat.

Add in the pork and let it sizzle for a minute. 

Add the peppers, bell and poblano.

Once everything is sizzling away happily, add the water and the seasoning.

Mix everything around so the seasoning doesn't clump on to anything.

Cover, lower the heat to medium and let it cook for around ten minutes.

You can serve and leave the leftovers on low to keep everything warm.

These weren't very spicy (jalapenos next time) but they were definitely what I was looking for. It had tacos and peppers and a little bit of zing. If you're like me and you can't substitute anything in the world for a good burrito, this might help.
Signed, a recovering carne asada addict.
(Jk, there is no recovering from that)

Coconut chicken, root mash and spinach

Hello guys and gals!
I have been terrible this week and haven't posted at all. Which means, I've got tons of stuff built up for you this week. Like, my first and second slowcooker experiences (why haven't I been doing this all along?), my very first hot yoga class (very nearly died) and A GETTING A DOG!
Super stoked about that one. We're picking her up tomorrow and we're going to name her Laika and I cannot wait to have a fluffy love ball.
But that's news for tomorrow.
Today we're going to talk about breadcrumbs. Mainly about how I love things dipped in breadcrumbs and it made me a sad, sad panda for a while because they are a no no for paleo eaters.
Fortunately, I have discovered that coconut makes a damn good substitute. To be totally honest guys, I actually prefer coconut breadcrumbs to bread breadcrumbs. Crazy, I know. But they're so light and crispy and they taste very...decadent. Very rich, without being heavy. They're perfect, basically.
The weather is finally, FINALLY picking up here. The hubs and I celebrated Friday with some beers on the patio tonight and it was indeed lovely. 68, breezy, perfect.

Anyway, since the weather has been picking up and it's not snowing every damn day, we can start eating things that aren't designed to keep a body warm in a dark, winter hellscape. Hooray. Mr. Idiot and I have been rotating through the various frozen meats in our freezer, and Monday is chicken day, and I'm trying to avoid the chicken, carrots and broccoli meal I see so many paleo people eating. I like my diet food not to taste like diet food. And so was born Coconut breaded chicken breast, winter root mash and fried spinach with tomatoes.

What you'll need for the whole meal:
1/2 bag frozen spinach (about 2 cups)
Handful of grape tomatoes, cut in half
1 tbsp coconut oil
2 chicken breasts
1 1/2 cup desiccated coconut (Mine comes in pretty large flakes, so I put it in the food processor to get it breadcrumb sized)
1 egg
1 tbsp cold water
3 parsnips, peeled and chopped
2 sweet potatoes, peeled and chopped
3 carrots, peeled and chopped
salt and pepper to taste
3 tbsp minced garlic

Preheat the oven to 400 degrees.

Combine the egg and the tbsp of cold water into a bowl. Get your coconut down to the desired consistency and put it in a bowl too.

Shameless plug for my AMAZING food processor. Miallegro, you are a star. 

Line an oven tray with tin foil.

Dip the chicken breasts first in the egg, and then coat it in coconut.

Put the chicken breasts on the oven tray and put in the oven for 30 minutes, or until the chicken is white and cooked through. The coconut should be browning and crispy.

While the chicken is cooking, peel and chop all the root vegetables.

Bring a pot of water to a boil and add the veggies for about ten minutes, or until soft.

Heat a pan over medium high heat and melt the coconut oil.

Mash all the vegetables together. I added some butter because mine were a little dry, but that's up to you. Season with salt and pepper to taste.

Add the spinach to the pan until it starts to cook. I just put mine in frozen and cooked it that way. No big deal. Then, add the tomatoes and garlic until everything is cooked.

Take the chicken out, plate everything and serve.

This was pretty easy in terms of the skills required to make it, though it was kind of labor intensive and had me running between tasks a little.

Though, I think it was worth it. Tasty, filling, and super healthy.

Mondays

Man there is something about Mondays that really sucks the life out of me. On Friday I was so amped about yoga and feeling good (and I fit into a skirt that didn't fit a month ago, HOORAY) and the weekend was nice and relaxed and I wake up this morning and I just...cannot be bothered.
I know this is all very first world problem. I'm unemployed, so it's not like I have to drag myself to work, I know that, but sometimes the monotony of being a homemaker (sorry, barf) gets to me. Mondays are perhaps the worst because the weekend is so nice. I get to hang out with Mr. Idiot and we watch 30 Rock and drink wine and goof around and Saturday is break night, so sometimes we have cake, and we can sleep in and make lazy breakfasts. I love the weekends. And Mondays suck because I know I've got five more days of being in the house by myself, just trying to fill up the time. I make schedules for myself during the day to keep me busy so I don't go nuts just sitting on the couch. I know some of you reading this are thinking that I'm crazy and you'd kill for a chance to laze around, but I've been unemployed for a long time. Far, far too long, and trust me, the "staycation" gets old really quick.
Normally I wake up and I'm looking forward to doing yoga and making breakfast and all the stuff I do in the morning but not today. It is grey outside and I am feeling listless. I barely made it through the yoga this morning, and I've got none of that lovely zen buzz I have afterwards. I just want to go back to bed.
I suppose days like this are normal, people have off days and days they don't want to work out and eat right and it's So. Much. Easier just to sit on the couch and nap. But I guess that's the hard part is not letting yourself do that. It's easy to be healthy and active when it feels awesome and you feel great and energized, the part that's really work are the days you don't want to get up and work, when you can barely drag yourself out of bed, let alone onto a treadmill or a yoga mat.
This is a work in progress, being fit and getting back into being a healthy person. For a long time I really was a couch potato with no energy, and it seems logical that sometimes I'll be tempted to slip back into that.
But I do feel a million times better, days like today excepted. I've read online that people do paleo and get these amazing results just from changing their diet. I haven't been that way. I'm more or less the same size, I don't own a scale so I don't know how much I weigh but it's probably about the same. So the weight loss isn't the reason I'm doing this, though the p90x should help with that. I just want to feel better about myself and about my body. Even if my actual body doesn't change, the way I feel about it is changing. That, for me, is the most important thing, changing the way I perceive my own body. Just the feeling that I'm treating it better and working it harder has done wonders for me.
But I still hate Mondays.

Breakfast is my favorite, happy Friday, and other stuff

Hello one and all.
First of all, a big shoutout to the lovely guys and gals over at /r/paleo for giving me the Reddit bump. Doubled my pageviews this week compared to last week. I hope you guys are loving the recipes and my ranting and all that fun stuff. Keep coming back, you're all wonderful <3
Now that the sucking up is out of the way, I've got big news. I finally convinced myself it was time to tackle the beast that is P90X yoga. I know a lot of other paleo bloggers are all "Crossfit, woo!" "I love working out, woo!" But I've got a bit of a ways to go before I'm back on my pre-squishy tummy game. So, we're starting at the beginning, which seems like the right place to start, right?
Anyway, I've been doing Erin Motz's GREAT 30 Days of Yoga Challenge over on YouTube and loving it. And her. Totally normal to have a girl-crush on your virtual yoga instructor, right? Well, anyway, if you're interested in getting back into yoga, or need something short in the morning to get you moving before work, PLEASE go check her out. She's adorable and her videos are great. So, ANYWAY, I had been doing that, and I'm halfway through and still doing it. But that was pretty much the only workout I was getting, so I started doing some primary ashtanga poses before I watched Erin's videos which was working for a while but last week I realized I just wasn't sore anymore after doing yoga. And I loooove that yoga burn. I live for that yoga burn. So...Tony Horton came to town and I decided to try my hand at the sweatiest yoga video ever. I swear to god. I've been to hot yoga classes that are less sweaty than I was this morning after just 45 minutes of that crazy guy's yoga video. LOVED it. The video is actually an hour and a half, and I only made it halfway through, it's tough. But I'll be back again tomorrow, and again and again until I finish it and then it's on to the next workout milestone.
I can't believe how great I feel. I can't believe I let myself sit around the house all stagnant and unenergetic for so long when I could have been feeling like this. If you're reading this and you don't know if you want to start getting healthy, or maybe you're like me and you used to be a fairly fit (and maybe yoga addicted) person and you let yourself go, don't wait another day. Get back on the wagon. I cannot begin to tell you how awesome I feel.

Okay, so that was a lot longer than I anticipated, but anyway. Breakfast. I love breakfast. I'm always starving after I do yoga in the morning, so I always need something quick.Mr. Idiot and I are trying to reduce our bacon consumption (I KNOW, blasphemy) because we're going through like three packages a week. Which is 12 things of bacon a month guys. So. Much. Bacon. Luckily, I found a really great substitute. Sausage.
Neese's is the brand I'm using, partly because it's just a big rectangle of ground pork that I can have my cooking way with, and also because there is a grand total of four ingredients in it. Pork, salt, spices and sugar. Big plus. There is added sugar in it, which I know, cardinal paleo sin, but Neese's is the best option I can find for less than four bucks a pack.

There's lots of options with sausage. I normally mush some into a scramble with whatever is about to go bad in the fridge, and presto, breakfast! But I wasn't really feeling ANOTHER random scramble this morning, so I fried up some slices of sausage instead.

This was leftover from breakfast a few days ago, and there wasn't enough to make a whole scramble with so I fried it up instead. Good decision.
I also threw some mushrooms into the pork fat once the sausages had cooked and scrambled some eggs. YES guys, that is cheese, but it's parmesan which I have on good authority (intense Googling) is the least bad for you of all the cheeses, so nyah.

Chicken and squash coconut curry

So, I haven't made anything that I can keep in bulk, and after last weeks "what the hell are we going to eat" problems, I figured making some big quantities wouldn't be a bad idea.
It's not that we're not buying enough food, I buy enough vegetables to feed a small country, but by the time the last few days before payday rolls around we've eaten all the fresh stuff, and I never know what to do with just frozen veggies.
So I'm looking out for recipes that I can cook and freeze.
Curry ticks all of those boxes. Freezes well, can easily be made in bulk and super easy to stretch out.
This particular curry is very...orange. It's got carrots, butternut squash and sweet potatoes in it, so there's lots of filling veggies in here.
This is the one time I listened to Mr. (baby) Idiot and didn't  make something stupid spicy, and then he had the gall to complain! So, the frozen half of this will be getting a heavy scooping of curry paste next time.

Anyway, here's what you'll need

4 carrots, chopped
1 butternut squash, chopped
1 sweet potato chopped
2 chicken breasts, cubed
1 cup of coconut milk
1 cup of chicken stock
2 tbsp curry paste
3 tbsp chili garlic sauce
2 tbsp grated ginger
2 tsp cumin
3 tsp paprika

The lovely thing about this is that you kind of just...throw everything into the pot and let it simmer for a while. Super easy, and you can ignore it and go watch 30 Rock on Netflix. That's what you guys do right? Right??

Anyway, even if that's not what you do with your 25 minutes of free time, but chop all your veggies up and throw everything in the pot.

Side note. I have never peeled a squash before. Know what you're getting into before you start peeling, because your veggie peeler will not work here. The skin is like an inch thick. I just sliced the skin off and called it a day. I'm sure there are other ways to do it, but..I got frustrated so it happened.

Add in the chicken stock and bring it up to a low boil.

Add in the coconut milk, as well as all the spices and let it simmer for a while.

After about 15 minutes, check on everything and keep letting everything cook until the chicken is cooked through. Plate, and serve. Hey presto. I had TONS of this left after I'd made two servings, so this is going in the freezer for next weeks dinner.

I made cauliflower rice to serve this on, which is basically ground up cauliflower. I used my (amazing and wonderful) food processor to get this to the right consistency, but if you have a grater (and the patience of a saint) you can grate it down to rice-size. I also ground up some coconut flakes in with the cauliflower and heated it up in a pan with some coconut oil.

More baking!

So, I know, paleo sweets are only supposed to be eaten in moderation. But...they're so good. And baking makes me happy when I'm angry. And the on-base supermarket on payday is hell on earth.
So I came home after four hours of dodging children darting in front of my cart and trying not to slam my cart into the backs of peoples legs and I saw two pears that really needed to get eaten.
So I answered the call of my oven and I baked.
Pear bread:
So, I couldn't find any paleo recipes and I had to modify, but things turned out wonderfully.

You'll need:
2 (very) rip pears, peeled and chopped.
1/3 cup maple syrup
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp ground ginger
1/4 tsp ground cloves
1/3 cup coconut oil
2 eggs
2/3 cup almond flour
1 tsp baking soda
1/4 tsp baking powder
1/2 tsp salt

Preheat the oven to 325 degrees.

Toss the pears with the maple syrup, ginger and cloves in a bowl to let the flavor sink in a little.

In another bowl, combine the dry ingredients.

Add everything else to the bowl with the pears, and then add the dry ingredients. I used a food processor to blend everything nice and smooth, but if you use a fork to break up the pears you should be able to whisk everything else together.

Pour everything into a pan and put it in the oven for about 50 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean when you prick the center.

I sliced up a banana and put it on the top (and it didn't sink!) Mr Idiot didn't like the texture of the banana on top which was totally fine with me, because I got all of it.

This was so good, and I ate it for breakfast, and as a snack and it was great with apple butter on it or butter and toasted.
Yum.
Make it, your friends will love it. (Or, if you're lucky, they'll all hate it and you'll get it all.)

Garlic and spinach "spaghetti" and a month review

I have been really enjoying paleo. I was worried when we started doing this, but we're almost one month in, and although I don't think I've lost any weight, I feel a million times better. I feel more comfortable in my body because it feels like I'm actually taking care of it, feeding it what it actually craves and not carbo-loading and snacking on empty calories all day long. I don't get hungry between meals anymore, and when it is meal time, I want to eat. I enjoy the prospect of meal time so much more because I feel as though I need it, not that I'm bored and my stomach is empty. I have so much more energy. And, I'm learning so much about food through this experience. I'm learning how to bake on a restricted diet (see the banana bread, and look out for ginger and pear bread this week!) I'm learning about new vegetables, how they work with other foods, how to use different oils and spices and meats in different recipes to get different results. It's always an adventure when it comes time to cook, because I'm always trying something new. Paleo food, because the rules are so clear, has also given me the confidence to put the recipes away (not all the time mind you...) and start to venture out on my own and make things that are original (and delicious, if I do say so myself).

In keeping with that adventurous spirit, I found myself staring at my half-a-spaghetti-squash sitting in my fridge from the last time we made noodle bowls. What was I going to do with it. Not that I don't LOVE that paleomg recipe, I do (much love) but I wanted something different, and spaghetti squash is such a cool vegetable. Plus, I want to get as much of this truly excellent winter veggie before it's all gone and I have to find something else seasonal and amazing to make. 

So, here it is

Pork loin medallions and garlic and spinach spaghetti (squash)

Season the pork loin (or whatever meat you're using) with rosemary, sage, basil and liberal salt and pepper.

For the spaghetti you'll need:

½ spaghetti squash

3 cloves of garlic

3 tbsp minced garlic

½ bag of frozen spinach (If I had to guess I'd say...two cups?)

½ onion chopped

There is a two step oven process here, so start this early.

For the squash, you'll need to bake it for around 40 minutes at 375, or until the skin gives when you poke it. (Take the seeds out pre-cooking, so much easier) Everyone online says do it for 20 minutes, but maybe we're buying incredibly large squashes because ours wasn't even nearly done by 20 minutes.

Once the squash is cooked, scoop out the delicious stringy innards and stick them in a bowl.

Turn the oven heat up to 450 and put the pork loin in. This will need around 30 minutes to cook, and the rest of the recipe takes about 20 minutes, so don't wait in between putting the pork loin in and getting finished.

Heat a large (and deep!) pan over medium high heat and melt 2 tbsp coconut oil.

Put your spaghetti squash insides in the pan with three tbsp minced garlic.

Add the onions and spinach and put a lid on the pan to let it steam.

I crushed the three whole cloves, but for me that was purely aesthetic, that bit is up to you.

Once everything is cook, cut your pork loin and serve.

Yum : )

I'm still on the lookout for new ways to use spaghetti squash, so if you have some, please share below.  

Winter wonderland dinner to warm your belly

It has been COLD here in North Carolina guys. And I know that some of you must be from the ice-swept lands of Kansas or Montana where there are like ten inches of snow a day, but this is the South. It is not supposed to be snowy here. We got three inches of snow on Tuesday. Three inches! The high was like 20 degrees. Our house and my wardrobe are not equipped to handle those kind of temperatures.

We did build a tiny snowman and make snow angels though. That was pretty rad, I can't remember the last time I actually played in the snow.

So, Mr Idiot and I needed to whip up something nice and hearty to keep us toasty. And so we did. The only problem is that my go-to recipes for heart meals almost always involve potatoes or pasta, both of which we're not allowed to eat. So, we came up with a solution.

This recipe is a personal favorite because it utilizes what I think is one of the world's least recognized vegetables, the parsnip. I absolutely adore parsnips. My dad makes them at Christmas and he roasts them and they are crispy and crunchy and just the right amount of sweet and omg. So. Fricken. Good. So when I saw them on special I couldn't help but buy some. Mr. Idiot had never even heard of a parsnip before, so this was the perfect introduction.

Baked salmon and root veggie hash

This is super easy to whip up, and following the theme of most of my recipes lately, was a very efficient way to clean out some straggler vegetables in preparation for the Great Fridge Restocking of 2014.

4 parsnips, peeled

3 carrots, peeled

4 strips of bacon, diced.

3 fillets of salmon

Ground sage

salt and pepper

Dried lemon peel

I found some asparagus spears at the bottom of the crisper that look like they were about to be done, so we grilled those up as well, but you can add any other veggies to this as you like.

Line an oven tray with tin foil and preheat the oven 375 degrees.

We didn't really measure out the seasoning, just add enough until the top of the fillet is pretty well covered. If I had to guess I'd say on each fillet ½ tbsp sage, ½ tbsp lemon peel, and be liberal with the salt and pepper.

Pop in the oven and bake for 40 minutes, or until the salmon is flaky.

Peel your carrots and parsnips and then grate them into a bowl. I just used the peeler and peeled strips off until I had little nubby centers left.

In a large skillet over med-high heat, melt coconut oil and add carrots and parsnips. Stir the hash occasionally.

After about seven minutes on the heat, add in the bacon. Stir until the bacon is cooked. Once your bacon is done, lower the heat and leave the hash in the skillet to keep it warm.

Once the hash was done cooking, we grilled the asparagus with a bit of salt and pepper. 

Cut the woody ends off the asparagus. Ours were perhaps on their last legs, so we cut most of the ends off and had the spears. 

Plate, and serve. Hey presto, delicious hearty noms.

 

Paleo baking SUCCESS

I cannot tell you guys how pleased I am. I've been messing with paleo bread and paleo pancakes and they just have not been working out, but I have finally had success with paleo baking. 

Paleo banana bread. I made it this morning, I ate it for breakfast, I'll be eating it tomorrow, it's delicious and it WORKED! It didn't turn into a gooey mess or taste like bland flour. Huzzah!

So, here's the recipe. This lovely, lovely bread goes great with tea (That's what I had for breakfast, nom) or coffee or as a snack mid-afternoon. So lovely, so easy. 

Paleo banana bread

6 eggs 

1/3 cup coconut milk (I used almond hazelnut cashew milk I found on sale)

1/3 cup honey

1/2 tbsp apple butter

2 tsp vanilla extract 

1/4 cup coconut oil

3/4 cup coconut flour

1/2 cup almond flour

2 1/2 tsp cinnamon

2 tsp baking soda

1/2 tsp salt

3 ripe bananas mashed

Add everything into a mixing bowl and combine. 

Whisk if you don't have a hand mixer, and hand mix if you do. (Thanks, again mum. My life is so easy now)

Pour into a non-stick pan (Pro-tip, spray pan with oil to ease removal) and put into a 350 degree oven for an hour. 

Check that your bread is done by sticking a toothpick into the center. If the pick comes back clean, you're good. If it's gooey, put it back in.

Once it's baked, go ahead and eat!

Monday salad: extra easy because I'm extra tired

It's nearly 9pm here at la casa des Idiots, and I'm finally sitting on my bum. FINALLY.
Today Mr Idiot had the day off, so we used our Monday much more productively than last week (in which we binge-watched Netflix and ate bacon) and ran all of the errands. ALL. THE. ERRANDS. We prayed at the alter of the Army Gods (aka the Soldier Support center) to get some of the cost of the move back, (YAY MONEY!), we visited Mr. Idiots long-ago-neglected UPS box only to find out that they only keep mail for thirty days before they return it to sender. And his has been closed for at least three months. Oh well. We also needed to pick up some groceries, but it's my least favorite time of the month, which is the time three days before payday where we have maybe a $60 buffer, and we're all out of almost everything. My fridge is a sad, mostly empty mess right now, and it gives me a big sad. But! We're trying this new thing where we space out our bills so we don't get completely drained by the 3rd of the month, so here's hoping come February we won't have these shitty three and four day periods where we've got zilch in the bank. To make that long story short, we need some more food, but we had to really scratch out what we've got left. So, thirty bucks poorer, we've got enough nosh to see us through until payday.
We even remembered to return my (shockingly) overdue library books, which I think they've written off as lost by this point.
By the time we got home, I was ready to cook dinner and just flop on the couch, but nope. Mr. Idiot has plans for his Monday and they've gotta happen. We spent almost an hour moving a couch from the spare room into the living room, and moving the pull out couch into the spare room. I know that sounds like no biggie, but the movers tried to get that sucker into the spare room and failed. The people whose job it is to make things fit through doors couldn't get it, so these two Idiots figured they'd try. Yeah, pro tip, if the movers don't do it, don't try it yourself. Eventually we got it through the door with only minimal doorframe damage. I was sweaty, grouchy, had pulled something in my back, stabbed by invisible couch nails, and had yelled at Mr. Idiot at least six times to NOT DROP THE COUCH ON ME, the last thing I wanted to do was actually cook dinner.
But, what did I do? I went and made some awesome salad thanks to Michelle Tam over at nomnompaleo and as luck would have it, it was easy as hell. I did make a few modifications to her recipe, because I'm lazy and I need to improvise sometimes...

Asian nut salad
This salad is awesome because it makes enough for both of us to be full, and to have leftovers for our lunches tomorrow. And just let me say, Mr. Idiot eats A LOT for both lunch and dinner, so the fact that there's leftovers is saying something.

For the sauce, you'll need:

2 tbsp almond butter (I used peanut, sue me)
1 tbsp fish sauce (I'm pretty sure you could sub coconut aminos for this and be okay)
1 tbsp white vinegar.
1 tbsp coconut oil
2 tbsp applesauce (unsweetened)
1/2 tbsp garlic chili paste

For the salad:
2 chicken breasts
1 whole head of romaine lettuce
3 or 4 carrots, grated/julienned/sliced however
2 apples, sliced

This salad has shredded chicken in it, and before we got a hand mixer/food processor (THANKS MUM <3 ) we had to shred chicken by hand (like savages). So, my advice is boil the chicken breasts while you're doing everything else to cook them. If you don't have a mixer or anything, you can shred by hand once the breasts are cool, or use two forks to rip it to bits. Your call. IF however you just got God's greatest invention, the food processor, you're fine.

So, put the breasts on on boil and start grating/julienning/slicing your carrots. I used four medium carrots for this, but use your judgement. Whatever ratio of carrots to lettuce to apples you want is good.

A mandoline makes your life easy

Put your carrots in a big bowl.

Chop up the apples. I didn't peel them because I love apple skins, but that's totally your call. Slice them into eighths and then in half long-wise, so they've still got some chunk to them and toss them in the bowl with the carrots.

Hopefully, your chicken is done boiling, so let it cool if you're using your hands, or cut it into quarters and process that bitch.

Wash off the lettuce and rip it into bite-sized bits. I hate the giant...spines, whatever they are on lettuce, so I just ripped off the leafy parts.

Throw that into the bowl and mix it all up.

Combine all the ingredients for the sauce and pop it in the microwave for 30 seconds to melt the coconut oil and soften the almond butter. Mix all that goodness together, pour over the salad and serve.

I was too damn tired to take any pictures after I'd added the chicken or the dressing or plated it, because I was so excited to eat and sit down.

This blog entry took longer to write than the salad took to make, so it's AWESOME when your feet hurt and you're hangry.

Breakfast of champions

Breakfast is a pretty easy meal for paleo, because it's basically bacon and eggs every morning, no sweat. Plus, that much protein in the morning means I'm not hungry again during the day until nearly three. As much as I love bacon and eggs in all its permutations (soft-boiled eggs, hard boiled eggs, scrambled, fried) sometimes it's nice to mix things up. I've been experimenting with paleo pancakes, but with zero success so far. There's tons of recipes online, but mine just turn into mushy puddles. 

So, we're sticking with egg-based recipes so far, but I'll keep experimenting with non-egg breakfast foods. 

Anyway, this Mexican inspired brekkie is an amalgamation of a few recipes I found online, and whatever the hell was in my fridge. I think I'm getting the hang of throwing things together and getting pretty solid results. 

I made this recipe again this weekend for Mr. Idiot, and improved it vastly, but...I didn't take any pictures for you, so use your damn imagination. 

Breakfast of Champions

This recipe kept me full right up until dinner last Sunday, and then again for breakfast and lunch the next day. So it will (in theory) feed four.

1 sweet potato, diced

1/2 bell pepper diced

1/2 onion, diced

2 cloves of garlic, minced (or 1 tbsp pre-minced stuff)

2 tbsp coconut oil

handful of spinach (Or any other filler you like, spring onions, broccoli, anything you like)

2 roma tomatoes (you can use any tomatoes, this is just what was in the fridge)

7 eggs

Bacon. As I've said before, you can NEVER have too much bacon, I made 4 strips each

Chop everything, all the veggies get diced up and thrown in together.

Once the veggies are chopped, add coconut oil to large skillet, and add garlic over medium heat. 

Once the pan is hot and the garlic starts to brown add in chopped vegetables. Don't add the spinach yet. 

Once the sweet potatoes are soft to the touch (Use a spoon, not your hands, dur) add in the spinach and lower the heat to medium low. 

Crack the eggs directly into the skillet and mix everything together until it's all a nice big lumpy mess. 

Serve with bacon and some sliced and salted avocado. Feel free to add salsa, hot sauce, whatever you like. 

Alternatively, substitute the bacon for pork sausage mixed in with the eggs. I added two big spoonfuls of salsa to the scramble, and it was SO MUCH better the second time around. I think the fat from the pork sausage really helped bring all the vegetable flavors out. 

So. Good. 

I'm now officially on the lookout for paleo tortillas, so I can make breakfast burritos with this lovely, delicious mess.